Counting sheep? Listening to the clock tick? Drinking warm milk or hot tea? All are potential signs of insomnia.
Me? It’s 5:23 a.m. I went to bed at 11:00 p.m. and slept for an hour. When I heard a buzzing on my clock radio, I awoke, but it wasn’t the alarm. After 15 years the clock on my night stand developed an electrical short. The static sounded intermittently, grating on my last nerve. I yanked the plug on the thing–with memories dating back to when my late husband gave it to me, declaring that his internal clock was more reliable. He could get up early without music or a jarring buzz.
So, I’m awake. I read the December 29th devotional from Oswold Chanbers’, My Utmost for His Highest. I noticed underlining and a marginal comment I had inscribed back in 2001. Today, I saw some other revelation entirely. Chambers wrote about the “heavenly vision,” and about God’s will for the individual. Would I be a deserter or a disciple?
Honestly, for quite some time, I’ve deserted the writing vision God gave to me. Because I thought I needed to take care of myself, I had devoted my time to scraping up a few dollars toward my income…and neglected the vision of writing a new novel. I didn’t think I could follow my dream, much less something so intangible as a vision from heaven.
Now, in the breaking dawn of this new day near the end of the year 2012, I realize that I’ve been guilty of neglect and disbelief. No more, for God will take care of me. I can’t desert Him in His calling on my life…which is more than bread and meat (physical needs).
I must write. I will write the new historical novel in my head. The working title is: The Presentation. It’s about food, art theft, Hitler, and retribution. About a horrific wrong during WWII being righted at last.
In the dark hours of night, like King Ahasuerus in Esther 6:1-3, I couldn’t sleep. He asked what honor and dignity had been shown to Mordecai the Jew for sparing his life. When the king found out that there had been none, he went about to settle the account. The would-be assassins were killed and Mordecai was promoted, thus saving all Jews from annihilation.
The Psychology of Insomnia? Wake up! Settle the account. Honor God.
What do you do when you can’t sleep? How have you benefited from sleep deprivation?
Now that my eyes have been opened, I can truly say, “Good night!” (Put the emphasis where you like. I’m too tired to care.)
For whether we (those who have obtained salvation by Our Lord Jesus Christ) wake or sleep–we should live together with Him (I Thes. 5:10).
P.S. Special thanks to Barry and Violet Berger for the birthday gift of Chambers’ book given to me back in 1994. For many years Roland and I read it together over coffee every morning. A meal of strong meat to start the day.
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